How to Reignite Sexual Desire
It’s normal to go through phases where your interest in sex diminishes. But it’s important to recognize when it’s just a temporary dip—and when it’s a more lasting change that needs attention.
Regaining your libido can be complex and may involve trying different approaches.
Simple changes like regular exercise, a balanced diet, relaxing activities, and making time for intimacy can make a big difference.
But let’s explore deeper, more effective ways to turn the light back on.
- Talk About It
Talking about sex and desire can be difficult, but it’s a crucial first step toward reconnecting.
Openly share with your partner what you want, what’s changed, and how you’re feeling. It’s also about exploring what brings you both joy—and trying new things together. Honest conversation can bring you closer and reignite your connection.
Sometimes, talking to your partner isn’t enough—or too hard to begin with. That’s where professionals can make a real difference. Health practitioners, sex therapists, and relationship counselors are there to support you.
And speak with friends or others going through similar experiences. Hearing stories from women who’ve improved their sex life during menopause can inspire and bring hope.
Most importantly, having support makes navigating these changes easier.
- Balance Your Hormones
Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) is the most effective treatment for low libido that begins during menopause.
By restoring hormonal balance, HRT improves pelvic blood flow, eases dryness and discomfort in the vagina, and affects how your brain responds to your partner.
It also impacts overall wellbeing—lifting mood, boosting energy, and reducing menopausal symptoms like hot flashes and night sweats—which all support a healthier libido.
It’s not a quick or universal fix, but it’s a solid first step to addressing low libido and other menopausal symptoms.
If HRT resolved most of your symptoms but desire is still absent, testosterone is often the missing piece.
For many of my patients, even after HRT helped with hot flashes and restored their “shrinking vagina,” they still had no interest in sex or couldn’t orgasm—until they added testosterone.
I often hear stories of how this change transformed their lives—bringing back not just desire and sensation, but also attraction and closeness to their partners.
However, HRT and testosterone aren’t suitable for everyone, so it’s important to consult your doctor first.
If low libido continues to hold you back, seek personalized guidance from a professional.
- Address Painful Sex
Restoring vulvar and vaginal health is crucial for improving libido and comfort during sex.
One of the best tools? Vaginal estrogen.
Available as gels, creams, tablets, or rings, this targeted therapy is generally safe and can be used long-term. Hormone levels reaching the bloodstream are minimal, and research suggests that vaginal estrogen does not increase breast cancer risk—offering reassurance to many.
Patience is key—it may take 3 to 6 months for full benefits to be felt. But improvement is often noticed within weeks.
My usual approach is to start early and continue long-term.
If dryness, burning, or itching persists—or you notice changes like white patches on the skin—see your doctor. Skin conditions like lichen sclerosus need specific treatments and ongoing monitoring due to increased long-term risks.
In addition to hormone therapies, improving blood flow and elasticity through pelvic floor exercises, moisturizers, massage, and vibration can enhance vaginal health.
And let it glide!
Lubricants can significantly improve comfort during sex—just choose the right kind.
Avoid lubricants with glycerin, alcohol, fragrance, or warming/cooling agents, as they can irritate sensitive vaginal tissue. Water-based lubricants are easy to use, condom-safe, and easy to clean. Silicone-based lubricants last longer and require only a small amount—but avoid using them with silicone toys. For extended effect, oil-based lubricants or coconut oil work well, but don’t use them with condoms.
If condoms aren’t needed, I often recommend using oil-based lubricant on yourself and water-based on your partner. This creates double glide and less friction that lasts longer. It might get messy—but great sex often is.
Why mention condoms if you can’t get pregnant? Because sexually transmitted infections aren’t just for the young. Protect yourself.
- Rediscover Pleasure
Menopause is a unique opportunity to rediscover what gives you pleasure—and that can transform your sex life in surprising ways.
With no worries about pregnancy and more time for yourself, it’s an ideal phase to experiment and savor new sensual experiences.
A great way to do this is through self-pleasure practices. It’s not just about instant gratification—it’s a journey of self-discovery.
Trying toys, new techniques, and different kinds of touch can help you reconnect with your body’s desires and learn how to communicate them to your partner.
These practices not only boost libido and mood—they also enhance pelvic blood flow, increasing long-term pleasure.
It’s like exercising a muscle: the more you use it, the stronger it becomes.
Plus, you get to know your body better and can guide your partner more effectively.
Be creative. Adding variety to your relationship—such as new settings, gentle touch, or even non-penetrative intimacy—can enrich your sexual experiences.
Exploring alternative paths to pleasure, like tantra, may open new doors to intimacy and fulfillment.
This time in your life is also ideal for reflecting on your sexual identity. What kind of touch excites you? What fantasies intrigue you? Understanding your erotic identity is vital to enjoying a richer sex life. Let go of shame or guilt—and embrace your sexuality with pride and joy.
Menopause can be the beginning of an exciting new chapter where you fully embrace and celebrate your desires.
Recipe for Passion
One of the biggest lies about aging is that sex gets worse—or stops—after menopause.
Menopause is a natural phase in a woman’s life. While it brings challenges, it doesn’t mean the end of intimacy.
Embrace this chapter with knowledge, grace, and a touch of adventure.
One of my patients, age 67, returned after trying many of these suggestions—and told me she’s having the best sex of her life.
But like health and fitness, this kind of sexual satisfaction doesn’t just happen. It takes open communication and conscious effort to keep the spark alive.
Whether you’re 47 or 77—sex can be part of your life if you want it to be.
And remember: not every woman wants to keep having sex—and that’s okay too.
With understanding, communication, and the right interventions, you can navigate this transition and enjoy passionate intimacy. You are not alone—and there are many options available.
Let this be your recipe for passion: Recommit to the kind of sexuality that’s meaningful for you.
And when it comes to the bedroom—more foreplay, powerful vibrators, and new positions may be just what the doctor ordered.
Additional Resources:
- Facebook support group for menopausal women with low libido: The Possibility of Pleasure
- Positive sex and aging resources for people over 50
- For ongoing vulvar concerns, organizations like the Vulvar Pain Society offer vital support and information
- Recommended Reading:
- Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. — A transformative book exploring female sexuality, backed by science and psychology.
- Mind The Gap by Dr. Karen Gurney — Insightful take on desire psychology and myths that affect sexual expectations.
- Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel — Challenges the idea that domesticity kills desire and offers strategies for long-term passion.
- Pussy Yoga by Coco Berlin — Blends yoga with feminine sexuality for increased sexual wellness and self-awareness.
- Becoming Orgasmic by Julia R. Heiman & Joseph Lopiccolo — A therapeutic program for deepening sexual pleasure and awareness.
- Rekindling Desire by Barry & Emily McCarthy — Practical tools for couples to reignite passion and overcome challenges.
- Enhancing Couple Sexuality by Barry & Emily McCarthy — A comprehensive approach to deepening sexual satisfaction in committed relationships.
- Featured Author: Joan Price — A celebrated voice on ageless sexuality, offering honest and practical guidance.
By incorporating these readings into your journey, you’ll gain powerful perspectives to enhance your sexual wellbeing and relationships.
